It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards.

This has been sucha bad week.
I think I'm having some serious moodswings. -.-'
I don't feel good of myself again.
I can be happy now and really pissed off in another minute.
Urgh. What's wronggggggggg.

School, netball, tuition, piano, singing.
I don't do well in any of it.
I feel pathetic.
Idk if I'm feeling sorry for myself but I don't want to.
Not getting in SOTA is a big hit for me and a wakeup call.
It really tells me that I should buck up, go back there and kick the panelists asses.
Maybe I should just take one step at a time.
And see how things go.
Maybe I'm just not cut out to be that good singer/musician.
Maybe I should just take singing as a hobby.
But I don't wanna. I feel so.. stupid.
I've been learning vocals since I was 7 and yet I can't bloody get in to an art school.
How am I gonna make it then?

Sometimes I get really pissed that my friends ignore me.
I feel like: 'Wait till I realise my dreams and in your face you ignorant horsebutts.'
But I don't know how to make it. And I'm starting to doubt myself now.
And I don't think my friends really like me that much.
Maybe they're just pretending cause they think I'm pathetic.

Should I go look for her?
If I go look for her, maybe I'm looking for more complication.
Sighs. Why did she leave in the first place.
I know. Because she already knew that I would be a mess, a burden.
Maybe I am.

I bet none of my friends even care that I feel this way.
Because I'm nothing to them.
I'm nothing but just an idiot who follows them around.
Sometimes I really wonder. Are they really my friends?
Should I tell them what's going on or keep it to myself.
Maybe keeping it all to myself is a better choice.
Wait, it is.